Recently it has been brought to my attention that, in my thirty-three years, not only have I told a fair chunk of people to fuck off, but I’ve also become quite good at it. Admittedly, it’s a skill of dubious honour to possess, but if there’s one thing I learned after twelve years of Catholic school, it’s that God wants you to make the most of the gifts he bestows upon you. Sometimes those gifts lack subtlety, and on the surface can seem like the by-product of an antisocial personality disorder, but they are natural talents nonetheless. Besides, I’ve never told anyone to fuck off who didn’t deserve it.
Over breakfast on Saturday, Rin suggested that I chronicle my many fuck off stories here. Later that night, I started making a list and found that I’ve told a surprisingly high number of people which exit they can get off at. Sometimes I stayed friends with these people and sometimes we parted ways, but everytime I told them to fuck off. This will be a series of at least five or six parts. If you don’t like it, feel free to leave a comment, and if you’re really lucky, I’ll tell you to fuck off, too.
I don’t think you ever told me to fuck off, though I certainly deserved it. I guess now’s your chance.
so what are the six stages ? Ive just been told to fuck off and I would like to know ?
I gotta be on there. At least twice, depending on the brevity of the history. I must have told you to fuck off, or at least wanted to, and then chickened out, and then pulled some passive aggressive manuever like putting you down for having a Mount Shasta record.
Haha, nice one, Peter!
Yes, you’re totally on the list, and the only spoiler I’ll give is that it doesn’t involve my having a Mount Shasta record, rather my not having a certain Archers of Loaf record.
You are definitely free to retroactively tell me to fuck off anytime. God knows I’ve earned it!
For the record, I have owned Mount Shasta records, but they were given me during my Skin Graft internship. I did not buy them. Embarrassingly, I never even listened to them, so I can’t attest to their merit nor their lack thereof. If you’re reading this, I’m sorry, Mark! But I did listen to the Zeni Geva and Dazzling Killmen records and loved every minute of them.